Santa Clause
10-31-2007, 05:24 AM
FROM THE OFFICE OF:
Kris “Santa Clause” Kringle
Dear Mortals of Earth,
It has come to my attention that this year’s “Halloween” celebrations are about to take place. Normally I would not worry about this crazy “Halloween” thing, but it seems that this odd festival is beginning to grow, and may one day become the main holiday of Earth! Being a businessman (those toys have to some from SOMEWHERE!); I feel that I must protect my business from hostile takeover. That being said, me and my “associates” will see to it that this Halloween, and all afterward, will be different in the following ways:
No more of that “Trick-or-Treating” stuff. Why would you run around in the dark, hoping complete strangers will give you candy, when you could go to the store and buy some yourself? Plus, it’s much less likely to be poisoned!
Since we won’t have “Trick-or-Treating”, why have costumes? At school or work, they distract and cost companies billions. Every year in October, our production plummets by as much as 20%!
No more spooky decorations. Me and the reindeer will enforce this one.
So, now that I’ve established these rules, I expect cooperation from the people of the world. Punishment for violations shall be harsh: don’t expect to get any gifts during MY holiday!
Sincerely,
St. Nick
Kris “Santa Clause” Kringle
Dear Mortals of Earth,
It has come to my attention that this year’s “Halloween” celebrations are about to take place. Normally I would not worry about this crazy “Halloween” thing, but it seems that this odd festival is beginning to grow, and may one day become the main holiday of Earth! Being a businessman (those toys have to some from SOMEWHERE!); I feel that I must protect my business from hostile takeover. That being said, me and my “associates” will see to it that this Halloween, and all afterward, will be different in the following ways:
No more of that “Trick-or-Treating” stuff. Why would you run around in the dark, hoping complete strangers will give you candy, when you could go to the store and buy some yourself? Plus, it’s much less likely to be poisoned!
Since we won’t have “Trick-or-Treating”, why have costumes? At school or work, they distract and cost companies billions. Every year in October, our production plummets by as much as 20%!
No more spooky decorations. Me and the reindeer will enforce this one.
So, now that I’ve established these rules, I expect cooperation from the people of the world. Punishment for violations shall be harsh: don’t expect to get any gifts during MY holiday!
Sincerely,
St. Nick