regeneratorizer
01-01-2008, 09:51 PM
Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from *bzzt*
And now I would like to provide you with a brief history of Apeture Science. Please note: If you cannot recite this word for word in the next 24 hours, please ask a guard to escort you to our Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation.
Aperture Science was founded by Cave Johnson in 1953. In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower gave Aperture Science a contract stating that Aperture Science would provide all branches of the United States Military (save for the navy) with shower curtains.
From 1957 to 1975, the company was almost entirely developing shower curtains. In 1978, Cave Johnson contracted mercury poisoning while inventing a deadly rubber sheeting injected with mercury, which would be put into shower curtains that would be given to each member of the House Naval Appropriations committee. By 1979, both of Cave Johnson's kidneys had failed, and he had severe brain damage and "could not be convinced that time was not flowing backwards". While dying, Johnson created a 3-tier program which he thought would continue Aperture Science's success in the future (or past, as Johnson saw it).
The first tier was the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver, which would be used to interrupt the life-saving Heimlich maneuver.
The second was the Take-A-Wish Foundation, which would take gifts from terminally ill children and award them to healthy (but wish deprived) adults.
The third tier was, in Johnson's opinion, the least well thought out. It was described as "some kind of rip in the fabric of space", which, in Johnson's words, "would help with the shower curtains I guess". Soon after, Johnson expired.
In 1981, Aperture Science completed the first two tiers, and the announcement of this was accompanied by a lavish TV special. After a string of public disasters involving "very public" choking and sad children, the Aperture Science senior company officials were summoned before a Senate investigative committee. As the investigation continued, an engineer stated that some progress had been made with tier three. He referred to it as a 'man-sized ad hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain'. The committee was permanently recessed and Aperture was given an open-ended contract to continue work on the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver as well as the 'Portal' project.
From 1981 to 1985, work on the 'Portal' project continued. During this time, several Fatah personnel choked to death on lamb chunks despite their bodyguards' intervention, showing that the government had apparently put the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver to good work.
In 1986, Aperture Science's rivalry with Black Mesa began. Aperture Science heard that Black Mesa worked on portal technology similar to that that Aperture Science was working on. In response, Aperture Science began to develop the Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System(That's me, GLaDOS). In 1996, the disk operating part was completed and work began on the genetic lifeform area.
Several years later, the untested GLaDOS is activated on the same day as Aperture Science's first bring-your-daughter-to-work-day.
And now that we are all in the mood for some testing, let me explain what we will be doing for the next few days. We will be playing a simple game of mafia, as you might have guessed. A few days ago, you were asked to completely memorize the games rules, so we won't have to go over those. If at any time you break these rules, you will be sent to the Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation. At the end of the Aperture Science Mafia Game, there will be cake and grief counseling.
In addition to the rules, I have a few more to add.
1. Do not, at any time, imply anything completely untrue about the Cake. Everyone gets cake at the end, and stating that someone won't will be considered "Inciting a riot" and the perpetrator will be sent to the Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation.
2. The mafia game is played with the Townies(The test subject) and the mafia(Employees of Aperture Science). There may also be a third party involved.
Now we are now ready to begin the test proper. Please, access the nearest computer terminal(With the permission of the guards at your door, of course), and enter "Signup" at the prompt. Fill out the 354 page application, then leave your name at the final prompt. A security guard will be there shortly to escort you to the testing facility, where the game will begin in a few days. Feel free to socialize with the other specimen, but remember, talking, hand signals, writing, or communication of any kind is not allowed. A distance of 100 yards must be kept from all other test subject until the testing begins. Violators will be sent to the - Oh, I think you all know by now what happens to violators.
Only specimen of the Aperture Science A-Class Specimen Storage Unit may sign up. Sorry, specimen of the Aperture Science B-Class Specimen Storage Unit, but there will be no game or cake. In consolation, however, I would like to remind you that you can donate one or all of your organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund For Girls. It's true!
A list of all those playing in this game will be provided shortly.
And now I would like to provide you with a brief history of Apeture Science. Please note: If you cannot recite this word for word in the next 24 hours, please ask a guard to escort you to our Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation.
Aperture Science was founded by Cave Johnson in 1953. In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower gave Aperture Science a contract stating that Aperture Science would provide all branches of the United States Military (save for the navy) with shower curtains.
From 1957 to 1975, the company was almost entirely developing shower curtains. In 1978, Cave Johnson contracted mercury poisoning while inventing a deadly rubber sheeting injected with mercury, which would be put into shower curtains that would be given to each member of the House Naval Appropriations committee. By 1979, both of Cave Johnson's kidneys had failed, and he had severe brain damage and "could not be convinced that time was not flowing backwards". While dying, Johnson created a 3-tier program which he thought would continue Aperture Science's success in the future (or past, as Johnson saw it).
The first tier was the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver, which would be used to interrupt the life-saving Heimlich maneuver.
The second was the Take-A-Wish Foundation, which would take gifts from terminally ill children and award them to healthy (but wish deprived) adults.
The third tier was, in Johnson's opinion, the least well thought out. It was described as "some kind of rip in the fabric of space", which, in Johnson's words, "would help with the shower curtains I guess". Soon after, Johnson expired.
In 1981, Aperture Science completed the first two tiers, and the announcement of this was accompanied by a lavish TV special. After a string of public disasters involving "very public" choking and sad children, the Aperture Science senior company officials were summoned before a Senate investigative committee. As the investigation continued, an engineer stated that some progress had been made with tier three. He referred to it as a 'man-sized ad hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain'. The committee was permanently recessed and Aperture was given an open-ended contract to continue work on the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver as well as the 'Portal' project.
From 1981 to 1985, work on the 'Portal' project continued. During this time, several Fatah personnel choked to death on lamb chunks despite their bodyguards' intervention, showing that the government had apparently put the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver to good work.
In 1986, Aperture Science's rivalry with Black Mesa began. Aperture Science heard that Black Mesa worked on portal technology similar to that that Aperture Science was working on. In response, Aperture Science began to develop the Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System(That's me, GLaDOS). In 1996, the disk operating part was completed and work began on the genetic lifeform area.
Several years later, the untested GLaDOS is activated on the same day as Aperture Science's first bring-your-daughter-to-work-day.
And now that we are all in the mood for some testing, let me explain what we will be doing for the next few days. We will be playing a simple game of mafia, as you might have guessed. A few days ago, you were asked to completely memorize the games rules, so we won't have to go over those. If at any time you break these rules, you will be sent to the Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation. At the end of the Aperture Science Mafia Game, there will be cake and grief counseling.
In addition to the rules, I have a few more to add.
1. Do not, at any time, imply anything completely untrue about the Cake. Everyone gets cake at the end, and stating that someone won't will be considered "Inciting a riot" and the perpetrator will be sent to the Aperture Science Testing Facility for extensive testing and reeducation.
2. The mafia game is played with the Townies(The test subject) and the mafia(Employees of Aperture Science). There may also be a third party involved.
Now we are now ready to begin the test proper. Please, access the nearest computer terminal(With the permission of the guards at your door, of course), and enter "Signup" at the prompt. Fill out the 354 page application, then leave your name at the final prompt. A security guard will be there shortly to escort you to the testing facility, where the game will begin in a few days. Feel free to socialize with the other specimen, but remember, talking, hand signals, writing, or communication of any kind is not allowed. A distance of 100 yards must be kept from all other test subject until the testing begins. Violators will be sent to the - Oh, I think you all know by now what happens to violators.
Only specimen of the Aperture Science A-Class Specimen Storage Unit may sign up. Sorry, specimen of the Aperture Science B-Class Specimen Storage Unit, but there will be no game or cake. In consolation, however, I would like to remind you that you can donate one or all of your organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund For Girls. It's true!
A list of all those playing in this game will be provided shortly.